How do I get my girlfriends off my back?

November 13, 2017

Dear PB Pro,

I just got engaged and already some of my friends are bugging me to see who’s going to be in the bridal party. I know they mean well and are just excited to be involved, but my fiancé and I haven’t figured out a date and venue yet, let alone our final count on bridesmaids and groomsmen. How do I get my girlfriends off my back? When do I have to decide the wedding party by, and is there an ideal number of people to ask?

– Eager Bridesmaids-To-Be

Dear Eager Bridesmaids-To-Be,

While it’s nice that your friends are itching to be a part of your big day, there’s no harm in telling them exactly what you told me: That you and your fiancé havn’t even secured a wedding date and venue, and until you do so, the rest of the planning — bridal party too! — is on the back burner. Tell them that their patience is appreciated, as it takes some pressure off you, and you’re grateful for their enthusiasm and support.

As for when to announce the bridal party, do so after the major plans have been made: date, location, and guest list. If you end up with a smaller wedding than you initially anticipated, you may also want to have a smaller wedding party, so better to hold off until you know for sure. You could also invite any friends that don’t make the cut to perhaps be an usher, personal attendant, or to do a reading at the ceremony.

When the time comes to tell your friends who’s in the bridal party, there are lots of fun ways you can share the news with them. Send a “Will you be my bridesmaid?” card via snail mail, gift a custom-labeled bottle of wine, or make a fun video with your husband-to-be to send to the entire bridal party. Have fun with it, and don’t stress! Great friends will stand by you no matter what. And if you’re on the fence about any of your girlfriends, try to imagine which ladies are most likely to still be a meaningful part of your life a decade from now.

— The PB Pro

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